


Words for the Dark One

by kyravalon



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4014307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyravalon/pseuds/kyravalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 4B.</p><p>Henry, David, Hook, Snow and Regina dedicate some words to the absent Dark!Swan.</p><p>This fic is not heavy on the pairing thing, but I guess you can easily tell where my shipper heart belongs to. If you don't like SwanQueen, proceed with caution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Henry

Ma.

Come back.

We don’t know where you are or even if you’re are… safe. 

We tried to reach you. Not at first. At first we wanted to, but we were discussing about it and thought that you had gone away because you needed your space. And Grandpa said we should respect that. Nobody really liked the idea because we just wanted to check and know for sure if you were all right, but he said “I’m not using this to force my will upon my daughter”, referring to the dagger, the dagger that has your name on it now, Ma, so everyone looked down and agreed to wait.

But we waited and you didn’t come back. And one day Grandma used the dagger and it didn’t work.

Nobody told us they were doing it. Mom found out, somehow. She came home one day and sat beside me and I knew it was bad news just by the look in her eyes. She told me: “They have tried with the dagger, Henry.” I didn’t need to ask whether you had answered to their call. Instead, I said: “Did you know?” And Mom looked down and said that Grandma had decided it on her own, but she wasn’t looking at me so I knew there was something else so I insisted. “They warned Hook and asked the Blue Fairy for help.”

My voice was so weak, Ma, when I asked why they hadn’t warned us.

I lost it, Ma. I’m so ashamed now, because that’s not the type of reaction to be expected from a hero but my head was filled with red rage and screams of “how dare they, I’m her son”.

Mom held me tight and started crying and saying “I’m sorry, Henry, it’s all my fault.” And I felt terrible. We stayed hugging and crying for a long while. It’s not Mom’s fault. I wish she knew that. If anything… I can’t help regretting the moment I broke that pen. How could I be that naïve, that stupid? So sure we all were gonna do just fine? I just wanted to prove that I’m strong and better and that I wouldn’t use those powers for my benefit. But I would now, Ma. I would have brought you in a heartbeat and written whatever you asked me to, if it helped you feeling better.

But I’m useless. Everybody and everything is. I don’t know why the dagger wouldn’t be of any use to bring you here. Maybe you are somewhere out of its reach or something. I don’t know. But I know you are the only one who can do this, now.

So, please, do it. Why haven’t you come to us yet? I hope you’re ok.

I think you might be afraid. Afraid that we get scared of you or of hurting us. And I totally get that, Ma, I really do. But we are your family. This is your home. And we will never, NEVER reject you.

I know all of you think I’m a kid and that there are so many things that I don’t understand or that I couldn’t deal with. But you’re wrong. I know this darkness has changed you, Ma. But you have to believe me, I don’t care. We are never the same person for a long time, anyway. I have changed. Mom has changed. We are constantly changing. You too. Since I met you, you have changed too, and it doesn’t matter at all, ‘cause you are still you.

Just think about how much Belle loved Mr. Gold even with his darkness. She said to me she loved this darkness too because it was a part of him. I will love you more than Belle ever loved Mr. Gold.

I had this absurd idea about how good and evil were separate and opposite (Mom calls it “manichean”). I learnt, tho. Being a hero is not being good and away from evil. Being a hero is dealing with the evil parts inside you and fighting to be a better person and staying strong for the people you love. Like Mom did. She’s a true hero. And so are you, Ma. Because you did it to save her. Not just because of that, but, yeah, we think about that a lot.

Not that Mom says much these days. But I can tell she’s always thinking about it. About you. About bringing you back, but also about what you did and why. I heard her saying to Grandma she wasn’t worthy of your sacrifice, once. I know your intentions were good, but that wasn’t the best of your ideas. Did you truly think that Mom would be relieved that this has happened to you instead of her?

I’m not blaming you! I know you had your reasons. You just have to understand that we need you so badly. And that we’ll be ok with the Emma you are now.

Just come back, ok? Just… just be here. We’ll figure it out.


	2. David

Emma.

All I wanted for you, ever, was a safe and happy life.

And all I managed to do was to lose you, once and again. The first time, like a miracle, and you being the wonderful, strong woman you grew up to be (without my help, without me), you came back to us and you let us love you.

But this time I'm afraid… Emma, I'm afraid you're gone for good.

The dagger wouldn't work. Blue said maybe your pure heart couldn’t bear all that darkness forced upon it and that you… That it should’ve been Regina. That the darkness went after her for a reason.

I haven't talked much to her lately, especially after she found out we tried the dagger without warning Henry and her, but I know she believes that, too. I know she talks to your mother, sometimes. Henry wouldn't, to any of us. But Snow and Regina share something that seems too intimate to ever try to disrupt. Who would have thought.

That first day, when it was just the four of us, Regina said she wasn't worthy of your sacrifice. I said nothing (the hole in my throat, in my heart wouldn't let me), Henry shook his head silently and Snow couldn't deny that she wished with all of her being that it had been her instead. And still they held each other's arms and lingered encapsulated in a dome of their own.

Belle wouldn’t let us try with waking up Mr. Gold up yet. She says it would kill him. We've talked and decided to wait, mainly because we can't risk what looks like the only chance to gain some insight about where you might be and how we could bring you back. But if it came to it… I feel pained just thinking about it, but there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

Sometimes, when I hold Neal, I see you. Soft and fragile and beautiful like the first time I saw you, knowing that I wanted to be with you and protect you forever and that I was to send you away. I had never felt so much love and fear in my life. And that night, watching you being swallowed by those black tentacles and then disappearing… I felt the same way.

I miss Henry. I miss my wife's smile. But, above all, I miss my intelligent, daring daughter.

I just wanted to be the one who kept you safe. I failed miserably at it. Every time. And when you stood strong and determined and more capable than anyone I’ve ever known, all I could think was: “Why wouldn’t she let me protect her?” I’m sorry, Emma. For not being able to protect you. For trying too hard to protect you when you neither needed nor wanted me to.

I’d do it all differently now. I wouldn’t have ripped a part of you. I wouldn’t have sent you through a portal, I would have barricaded myself with you and your mother until the curse hit. I shouldn't have been so afraid.

I only wanted to save you, but ended up forcing you to be the savior of us all.

I’ll be whatever you want me to. If you ever… oh, please, Emma. Don’t be dead.


	3. Hook

Love.

Where are you? Why wouldn't anything work to bring you back?

That night… I was sure, as Snow White commanded you to appear in the darkness… I was sure you'd be back. I had this image pictured of you… all glittery, rotten teeth, broken nails, big round pupils and a chilling giggle.

When nothing happened, I felt… relieved.

Swan…

I've been waking up from nightmares, sweating and screaming, since the night the dagger glowed with your name over it. The thought of you embodying the very essence of that which I hate most is unbearable and haunts me ever since. I feel disgusted at the idea of a you, the most fascinating woman I've ever had the star to met, corrupted into something so twisted, so… putrid.

But at the same time, I'm desperate to have you back. Without you, I fear I have no reason to try anymore.

I did it all for you. To have you. So that you'd love me back. And then you did. You said you loved me.

And then you disappeared.

Why did you have to take it to yourself? It chose her. The darkness chose the Evil Queen. There was a reason for it and none for you to take that responsibility. Except for your tendency to save everyone, to take care of everything. We would have sorted it out. We could have controlled an evil Regina, we've done that before.

I can’t stand to look at her. She deserved to bear that, not you. Blue said that. Even your parents think it, although they wouldn't say it aloud.

But you never stopped to think about what you'd leave behind. I begged you to stop and still you wouldn't listen. You left me to my misery.

And now you wouldn't answer to our summoning.

Everyone’s being useless, as if they didn’t care. Well, I care. I’m gonna tear that imp out of his sleep if that's what it takes. I'll find the way to have you back, I swear.

I fear your comeback. I fear you'll never be back. I'm lost and torn.

But maybe, maybe… this is the ultimate proof. To show you that I'm worthy. And maybe this happened so I could be the one to bring you back from the darkness and tear it out of you.

And you could finally _really_ see me for the man I truly am.

Then you'll know.

And be mine.

Love.


	4. Snow

My baby. My precious, brave girl.

The days go by without you and I hold to your memory like a luck-charm, so that I don’t fall into the dark pool of desperation. I need to be strong, because of your father, because of Neal and Henry. But, above all, because of you.

I will survive this pain, this fear, just in case there’s the slightest chance to help you.

That’s why I have to be sane and so I reach to everything yours to keep me grounded. I wander the house like a sleuth in the hunt for clues of your presence, trying to tie you to this place.

I searched you first in the smell on your pillow, in the touch of your jacket, in the golden light of the few hairs tangled in your brush. I keep you with me for a while but then you start to fade from those things… Then I look in other places.

That’s how I’ve ended up here, in your office. It’s late and nobody cares for the night shift anymore, so I’m alone in the dark, sitting on your chair and holding your mug. A stain of pale pink sticks out in the border. The sight of it makes me cry but it also recalls me of the way you lean over the mirror in the living room to give a quick wipe of gloss on your lips before stomping out of the house. And I cherish that memory, as all the others that talk to me about all the tiny things that are so important and so you.

I’ve noticed something, Emma.

In the distant, further corners of the world you share with us you shine brighter. _You are seen_.

In the careless bunch of boots crowed together at the bottom of your wardrobe. In the stash of hairpins, crumpled receipts and used paper chiefs stored in the pockets of all your coats. In the folded pages and pencil highlights and side notes in your books. In the theater tickets treasured in your purse. In the lipstick smiling at me from you coffee mug.

If I think about it, I should have known. The Emma that was friends with Mary Margaret never ironed her shirts and left the pile of dirty dishes overflow the sink before attacking the kitchen with a ferocious cleaning fever.

But then the curse broke. And we were no longer flatmates.

I look at your shelf in the bathroom –the cap of your toothbrush neatly closed over it, the towels folded, their embroidery upwards, the wire of the hairdryer perfectly rolled– and I want to slap myself.

All those things come screaming to me now. They tell me of my blindness, of my negligence at taking care of my daughter. At bothering to know you, Emma.

I feel sick at the thought that I made you believe you weren’t worthy, that you had to be everything, this perfect hero to be deserving of my love.

The thing is, baby, that the woman I recognize now as my daughter is the most wonderful person a mother could ever wish for. And you are this woman not because of any decision that I have taken in regard to you; quite on the contrary, you became yourself _despite_ all those horrid choices I took.

Please, forgive me.

And let me see you, Emma.

Let me be the mother you deserve.


	5. Regina

Ms. Swan

I’m sure you are benefiting from a much needed vacation in whatever it is the hellish dimension you evaporated to when you disappeared. I understand the need to take distance and space to set your new dark immortal self in order before facing a comeback. And I’m sorry to disrupt said process, but I would like to let you know that your family is reaching a critical point of concern.

Especially when all our attempts to contact you have been an utter failure.

They tried with the dagger, obviously. When it didn’t work, we sought for answers. Everywhere. Anywhere.

We tried convincing Belle to take his husband out of the freezer, but it seems that it would endanger him mortally. Honestly, I couldn’t care less, but Henry has made a point of convincing us all to stop trying to force your comeback. He says that it’s up only to you, that no matter how hard we try to reach to you, you’ll be back when you’re ready, not before.

And I’ve learnt to respect him more than anything. He’s my light in the dark, my sweet and strong boy. Our son, Emma. Who’s grown to mirror the exact light of your incombustible soul. Although, I suspect he’s acting stronger than he really feels. He’s still a child and he needs you. So do us both a favor and come back in this instant.

When you deign to grace us with your presence, I’d very much appreciate an explanation. And the promise to never do something so idiotic again. I’m not some helpless child that needs your constant supervision. I can take care of myself.

How dare you be so presumptuous as to pretend to know what my happiness entails? How dare you take for yourself a curse that was mine to bear?

Once and again, you would blurt out: “I said I would fight for your happy ending and that’s a promise I intend to keep”. As if I were some sort of oblivious nonagenarian incapable of remember her pills. As if I needed remembrance.

Do you have any idea how many people have shown that fierce determination in fighting for me? Exactly one. In all my life, it has just been you.

But you didn’t know the first thing about anything, Emma.

So if you promised not to try to save me again, I would explain why you were so wrong in assuming you were granting me my happy ending. I would speak to you of the sadness that drips from every corner, every eye; of the sleepless nights staring to a ceiling that projects in a loop putrid tentacles crawling up an arm, engulfing down a white figure; of my own cry detonating in my head every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day…

But I doubt that’d ever happen, because you are an insufferable stubborn woman and never, not in a million years, would you even think of following anything but your own idiotic impulses.

I’ll have it anyhow you like it. If I have survived your obnoxious behavior before, I’m sure I will manage to do so once you’re back and insist on being yourself.

You looked so confident that they would pull you out of the dark. You’d do well in keeping that confidence. No matter how damaged you think you are or how much you think it will hurt them to see you cursed, each and every of them will be much happier with you here than what they are right now.

Yes, Emma, _I_ will be much happier.

Because... you may have swallowed the dark swirl hovering over me that night, but I’m drowning on it ever since.


End file.
